Exercise of Structuring Academic Body Paragraphs

I try to re-organize the sentences in Elizabeth’s mail on Structuring Academic Body Paragraphs, in accordence with the order of the claim, evidence, analysis, conclusion and transition. The method I use is trying to identify some key words in each paragrapph, which can be used as the linking cues between parapgraphy.   Any one can have a look and give some correction? 

SAMPLE PARAGRAPH: 

CLAIM: 

The primary concern noted by the three leaders I interviewed from Company X is that many of their key senior leaders are retiring by 2025 and their retirement will have a significant negative impact on the organization’s sustainability.

EVIDENCE: 

This company’s leaders are managing their future leadership and skills gap issue by being aware, noticing, and observing (Short, 1998, p. 49) the demographic change that will deeply affect them and by taking action to mitigate the risk.

As in other companies where “56% of baby boomers hold leadership positions” (Lindengren, 2015, para. 4), this organization’s baby boomer leaders also hold strategic or senior operations positions. The executive team is justifiably worried that the organization will not have the needed leaders to sustain their organization, and is managing their succession plan, increasing mentoring activity, and anchoring their culture to prepare their younger leaders.

ANALYSIS:

The human resources advisor (personal communication, November 20, 2015) confirmed that, “by 2018 a minimum of twenty key leaders and experienced operations employees will retire and trigger a significant leadership and skills gap.”

These three leaders were paying attention to published facts, and in doing so, applied Senge’s (2006) systems by thinking about and heeding “abundant evidence in advance (of failure)” (p. 50) to ensure organizational sustainability.

CONCLUSION

The vice president (personal communication, November 20, 2015) asserted that the company “needs to prepare now in a collaborative manner to close the anticipated wisdom gap and minimize associated risks while preparing the next generation of leaders.”

TRANSITION:

An emerging leader (personal communication, November 20, 2015) stated: “There’s a lot for me to learn as the baby boomers retire and I am concerned about learning enough quickly enough to manage well.”