Exercise of Structuring Academic Body Paragraphs

I try to re-organize the sentences in Elizabeth’s mail on Structuring Academic Body Paragraphs, in accordence with the order of the claim, evidence, analysis, conclusion and transition. The method I use is trying to identify some key words in each paragrapph, which can be used as the linking cues between parapgraphy.   Any one can have a look and give some correction? 

SAMPLE PARAGRAPH: 

CLAIM: 

The primary concern noted by the three leaders I interviewed from Company X is that many of their key senior leaders are retiring by 2025 and their retirement will have a significant negative impact on the organization’s sustainability.

EVIDENCE: 

This company’s leaders are managing their future leadership and skills gap issue by being aware, noticing, and observing (Short, 1998, p. 49) the demographic change that will deeply affect them and by taking action to mitigate the risk.

As in other companies where “56% of baby boomers hold leadership positions” (Lindengren, 2015, para. 4), this organization’s baby boomer leaders also hold strategic or senior operations positions. The executive team is justifiably worried that the organization will not have the needed leaders to sustain their organization, and is managing their succession plan, increasing mentoring activity, and anchoring their culture to prepare their younger leaders.

ANALYSIS:

The human resources advisor (personal communication, November 20, 2015) confirmed that, “by 2018 a minimum of twenty key leaders and experienced operations employees will retire and trigger a significant leadership and skills gap.”

These three leaders were paying attention to published facts, and in doing so, applied Senge’s (2006) systems by thinking about and heeding “abundant evidence in advance (of failure)” (p. 50) to ensure organizational sustainability.

CONCLUSION

The vice president (personal communication, November 20, 2015) asserted that the company “needs to prepare now in a collaborative manner to close the anticipated wisdom gap and minimize associated risks while preparing the next generation of leaders.”

TRANSITION:

An emerging leader (personal communication, November 20, 2015) stated: “There’s a lot for me to learn as the baby boomers retire and I am concerned about learning enough quickly enough to manage well.”

Published by

e2yu

Eric Yu is a dynamic English Second Language Instructor in the areas of distant learning. He holds a Bachelor degree from the Shanghai International Studies University and is currently studying in the MS degree from Royal Roads University in Victoria, BC, Canada. Since moving to Canada in 2011, he acclimated himself to the local anculture, and quickly built a cross nation online learning practice, getting involved in IELTS teaching and other online training projects between China and Canada. Eric Yu currently lives in Shanghai, China and work as the team leader of online after-school education in Global Eduation of Puxin Limited. He loves music and is fascinated to search for rare CDs and LPs of rock and jazz musicians in 1960s. Eric Yu has performed well in a diverse range of team environments, from every corner of the world. He lives in Shanghai, China but travels around the world frequently both for work and leisure.

3 thoughts on “Exercise of Structuring Academic Body Paragraphs”

  1. Hey Denys. I would recommend attaching labels to the paragraph areas. For example, adding in Claim, Evidence, Analysis, Conclusion and Transition headings might help you to better see your structure and to identify which of those areas may be missing.

    I don’t want to say specifically if any of your structure is right or wrong because I don’t *know* for myself, but one thing I started with is choosing what I feel is the Claim paragraph and then I picked paragraphs had the most direct evidence for it. This might not work for you, but it might give you a bit more structure as you try to build the paragraph.

    1. HI David,

      No worry. Thanks for ur reply. Now I try to label each paragraph with the functions. The method I use is try to identify some key words in each para that might as as an indicator to link to other parts; it does seem to be a hard work to see the coherence of the whole body and the connection between paragrpahs.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.